I was visiting with Clare and Irene today - it has been so long since I had seen 'Rene! I just could not believe we were all sitting in the same room talking about our lives. You just would not believe how well Clare has done for herself. Why 'Rene didn't decide to marry a white man is beyond me. And she could have too, if she had wanted. Sometimes I think Clare had the right idea, passing, I sometimes think I should have left to another city and done that myself.
Oh diary, you just would not believe how uncomfortable I felt at times talking with those two. First, there was the incident with 'Rene and her poor, unlucky, dark boy. She just came right out and said it while Clare and I were talking about how awful it is that it "skips generations. 'Rene just came out and said "one of my boys is dark." She didn't seem to mind, but I felt so sorry for her. You know how she can be diary. Too prideful, she seemed upset that we would think it unfortunate for our children to be dark. All we want is for them to be able to have an easy life, to be free of the hardships our people face. I hope my children can pass diary. Or maybe not. If they want to, they have to at least tell the person they are going to marry.
And diary, at times I felt like maybe 'Rene had it right. She always seemed proud of who she was, where she came from. I could never imagine her trying to pass. Still, she just can't see the practicality of it. I think she is too judgmental. However, I just about died when Clare's husband came in and called her "Nig." I may want my children to be light, but I don't want them living around people that would shame them. I don't know diary. My thoughts are not collected today. This entry is all over the place! I just can't help but get emotional around this topic.
I will write again soon. As always diary, thank you for listening,
Gertrude
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