Today I felt so alive. Oh this dual life is becoming such a burden on me. I really do think there was something to Irene's stubbornness. She was quite certainly right to uphold and defend her race rather than capitalize on her light skin.
But I can't help imagine that perhaps her motivations are not so pure. She is always so stressed out these days, but I do mean to assure her that she made the right choice and I think encouraging her morals is the right way to do that. I believe if she weren't so scared, she might have tried to pass. Every time I mention it to her, she gets quite defensive, but really she gets to defensive about how risky it is. Isn't it risky to not attend to your own happiness? After all, we face quite a tough time in this country to make a decent life for ourselves.
Oh but, I say these things and I really don't believe that 'Rene made the wrong choice. Maybe she is just paralyzed out of fear, but her life is so much better than mine. "Why, to get the things I want badly enough, I'd do anything, hurt anybody, throw anything away." It seems this strategy has lent me into a less than ideal situation. Nonetheless I can get out of it still. If she weren't so afraid, 'Rene probably would have found herself in my situation, and then she would realize the same thing as I have.
It is just too much of a restriction to live in a restricted identity. I have this feeling that overcomes me when I visit 'Rene in Harlem. I don't really think it is anything inherent about my race. It is most likely about nostalgia and about experiencing something which I am not allowed to experience. But wait, am I any different than the other whites who come to visit Harlem for the novelty and experience? Yes, I do think that I am. I suppose there is a powerful effect that I had growing up visiting 'Rene's family. There is something very familiar about being there again. Something about feeling I'm in a place where I belong.
Do I belong there? I suppose I really don't know. Given my complexion, I can easily pass as black or white. Whatever I want on any given day. So why would I feel at home with one culture or another? Maybe there is something about us black folks being under so much discrimination. I don't feel particularly obliged to honor the white part of my identity because no one calls it into question. On the other hand, my being black, because I know it is so contentious, feels important, and therefore I feel out of place if I am not partaking in that part of me.
The image is used to represent the dances that allured Clare so much. While her wavering character/motivations at first make her seem superficial, she seems to be confronting some very intricate issues with her passing. On the other hand, Irene, who at first seems to be a very pure character, turns out to be a bit of a control freak, suggesting that maybe she detests passing just for the risk that it involves.
But I can't help imagine that perhaps her motivations are not so pure. She is always so stressed out these days, but I do mean to assure her that she made the right choice and I think encouraging her morals is the right way to do that. I believe if she weren't so scared, she might have tried to pass. Every time I mention it to her, she gets quite defensive, but really she gets to defensive about how risky it is. Isn't it risky to not attend to your own happiness? After all, we face quite a tough time in this country to make a decent life for ourselves.
Oh but, I say these things and I really don't believe that 'Rene made the wrong choice. Maybe she is just paralyzed out of fear, but her life is so much better than mine. "Why, to get the things I want badly enough, I'd do anything, hurt anybody, throw anything away." It seems this strategy has lent me into a less than ideal situation. Nonetheless I can get out of it still. If she weren't so afraid, 'Rene probably would have found herself in my situation, and then she would realize the same thing as I have.
It is just too much of a restriction to live in a restricted identity. I have this feeling that overcomes me when I visit 'Rene in Harlem. I don't really think it is anything inherent about my race. It is most likely about nostalgia and about experiencing something which I am not allowed to experience. But wait, am I any different than the other whites who come to visit Harlem for the novelty and experience? Yes, I do think that I am. I suppose there is a powerful effect that I had growing up visiting 'Rene's family. There is something very familiar about being there again. Something about feeling I'm in a place where I belong.
Do I belong there? I suppose I really don't know. Given my complexion, I can easily pass as black or white. Whatever I want on any given day. So why would I feel at home with one culture or another? Maybe there is something about us black folks being under so much discrimination. I don't feel particularly obliged to honor the white part of my identity because no one calls it into question. On the other hand, my being black, because I know it is so contentious, feels important, and therefore I feel out of place if I am not partaking in that part of me.
The image is used to represent the dances that allured Clare so much. While her wavering character/motivations at first make her seem superficial, she seems to be confronting some very intricate issues with her passing. On the other hand, Irene, who at first seems to be a very pure character, turns out to be a bit of a control freak, suggesting that maybe she detests passing just for the risk that it involves.
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