First Generation Problems

This letter is written from the perspective of Mamie Hunter - Joseph and Mary Tape's first daughter. It is written in the form of a diary entry in which Mamie is exploring and reflecting on her experiences in school with other Chinese American children and the differences between those other immigrant children and herself. Inspiration for this entry comes from page 62 in which the author explains, "they had to learn Cantonese, the language the other schoolchildren used among themselves. Just as their parents had learned English to get along in the white households of their youth, Mamie and Frank learned Chinese to survive in Chinatown's schoolyard". 

Dear Diary,

Going to this school is such a strange ordeal. I go to an all Chinese school but even when I am there I do not feel Chinese at all. Other people might look at my classmates and I and think we look the same but I stick out so much compared to everyone else. I still remember the first day I went to school - everyone stared at me as I entered the classroom. I did not really know many other Chinese kids because we live in an area with lots of Americans. Father says that it is better for business and safer - that we are better off living where we are. I never really thought much about my life in San Francisco being different from other Chinese kids until I went to the school. They all dress so traditional and cultural. Mom and Dad have pictures in the house of some really Chinese stuff and sometimes they talk about traditional clothes or cultural foods but I thought only people in China did that kinda stuff. Most of the kids at school actually dress like the pictures and look at me weird because I have normal clothes.

They also hardly speak English. Mom and Dad don't really speak Cantonese at home so I'm not used to hearing it so much - here all the kids speak Cantonese outside the classroom. I do not know how to play with them or make friends since I cannot even talk with them. Most of the time I just try to join in on games that don't require speaking or I sit and watch to try and understand what is going on. At first they used to tease me a lot or I could tell they were talking about me just because they knew I could not understand. One other girl was nice and asked me for help with some English in exchange to teach me some Cantonese. I agreed because I haven't been making friends anytime soon and at least understanding what they are saying will help me interact more. I might start wearing some more traditional clothes too just so I don't stand out so much from everyone else. Mom and Dad always talk about the importance of becoming more American but that doesn't help me at school. I don't even really know what it means to be Chinese but around the kids at school I feel way more American. I don't look like an American though because they are white - I'm just unsure where I fit in and what to do about it. I guess for now I can just try to get along with the kids at school by learning more about Chinese culture and language to at least survive. Maybe in the future I can go to a different school without all Chinese kids so I don't have to worry about feeling too Americanized...

Mamie