Culture vs. Descent

Dear Diary,

I'm not sure if anyone will ever quite understand why I love photography as much as I do. Sometimes, I'm not even all the way sure. Though I have been painting for quite a long time, taking pictures of real-life people and moments is an art that is very powerful. I'm not interested in just spending money on Kodak cameras like many people today, but I hope to become more cultured as a creator.

Wong Hong-Tai has been my partner. We work hours long, so that cameras we build can can truly capture life in movement. Slides are my specialty. Like an artisan, I crafted and refined dry plates as if they were works of art in themselves. People recognize that I am of culture, and acknowledge my talents as a "slide expert" in America. As a member of the California Camera Club, I have many photographer privileges and join the ranks of prestigious, esteemed men and women.

While I love photography, it is also of a complicated nature in relation to my background. If I am to ever capture people, how do I do it in a way that conveys their culture more so than their descent? I was born in China, and I have Chinese features on the outside. Yet, I believe myself to be White on the inside. Living in the Ladies' Protection and Relief Society Home, I was the only Chinese child, and I acculturated to America. I learned English and loved it. Even as an adult, I have maintained friendships with Americans who are White. My physical features tell a story of Chinese descent, but the culture I live everyday is of another story. I am proud to be Americanized.

Another question lingers in my head sometimes, and scares me. Photographs are memories in an art form. Before my days with Mary McGladery, my memories were tragic. Though they have passed, it pains me to even talk about them, so I won't even write about them in detail. How do I continue to love photography, a an art form of memories, without remembering the horrid memories I've tried so hard to forget? Diary, do you know?

-Mary Tape