Journal Entry #28

After a few months here in Paris, France serving Master Jefferson, I have come to realize just how much more there is to life than that of servitude. There are so many wondrous sights, sounds and things to do here. Not to mention I get to spend time with my brother who has been away for years. Sadly, this is probably the closest I will ever feel to being free, though I do admit my status is not that of an ordinary slave. The fact that I am even to write these very thoughts down is a testament to the generosity of Master Jefferson.

At times I desperately want to believe that Master Jefferson views me solely as a person and it is for that reason why I have been treated in such a hospitable manner. However, I cannot deny the fact that my light skin has definitely played a major role in why my family and I are treated better than most slaves. We have better living conditions than most, are given special privileges and are even kept separate from the other slaves as well. Of course our blood does nothing to change our overall status of being slaves and as slaves we are expected to serve. I am grateful for all that Master Jefferson has done, but at times I wonder how things would change if I did not have such a light complexion or mixed blood. A more important question would be where would I or my family be had my ancestors not been involved with any of their masters?

Even now my lighter complexion is "appreciated" by Master Jefferson and I confess I am not sure how to feel about our more personable interactions. There is no doubt that he has done very much for me and I couldn't ask to be placed in a better position than I am in now. For that I am thankful, but my feelings towards him are muddled and are made much more complicated knowing I am his slave and property. I do not and could not deny his advances, for he is my Master and I owe him a great deal for what he has done for me. However, I am not sure things would have played out the same if I was free before we had met. For this reason I do not consider this behavior as that of a relationship. This fact is made much more apparent with the way Master Jefferson has chosen to hide these details away from the public, due to his current standing in politics. 

Try as I may I cannot escape my fate and must remind myself that things could be much worse and there is a life outside slavery. I must make due with what I have and ensure that my family continues its lineage.

Sally